ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
