Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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