Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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