and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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