God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
