am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
