the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
