Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
