That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
