Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
