I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
