All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
