I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
