I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She's not a foreskin expert like you
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
