Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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