Already got asked if we're dating
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Come on in and take your pants off
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