The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
