i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
