it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
