your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
