I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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