My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
