4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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