Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
