I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
