Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
