meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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