TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
