SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
