i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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