I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
