im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
