I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
