Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
