3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
