Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
