I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
