just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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