my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
MIDGETS
????
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
