I want to make a zoo with you.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
