I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This toilet bowl is my home.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
