Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
