Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
