We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
