Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
