If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
