I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
