thus making me awesome and them whores
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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