Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
