So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
