I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How's work?
Spinning.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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