he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
